Done

Alhamdulillah. 

Pass our Final Pro Exam 2. 

58 of us in one batch. 

Congrats everyone.

Unofficialy a Dr.

Long case : Pro Exam 2

Thank you Ya Allah.

I am totally grateful today for what Allah has give me.
I am super scared, cuak but at the same time I pray that Allah will ease me.
Alhamdulillah, i got lipoma case.
Was asked to examine, management cyst or abscess, when to operate.
Alhamdulillah, another patient said I do well.
Alhamdulillah, they ask question that I know what to answer.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah,
I didnt get hernia which I didnt want to examine because am scared sebab jarang jarang dapat examine,
Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah,
I didnt get Obs and Gynae which I really really want because maybe I cant coop with the examiner.

Thank you Allah.
If I pass the exam, this is all because of Allah mercy.
Not because of me but because of Allah want me to be a doctor.
InsyaAllah, towards a better muslimah doctor in the future.
InsyaAllah, towards a good Obs and Gynae specialist who will help lady out there.

May all of us pass this exam together.
InsyaAllah.
Have faith in Him .


I said, "finally the day come to an end, where we almost done with our exam"
Mai said "same with hardship , atau ujian yang Allah bagi, semuanya insyaAllah akan berakhir dimana Allah akam hadirkan pelangi"
All you need to do is have faith, Indeed He is near.

And today

And today.

i am deeply depressed with the hard question that I never expect.
i think i lose hope toward myself.
but I hope, I really really hope I will pass with izin Allah, with redha Allah and with Allah will.
 Aku tawakal

A day before

A day before exam,
mak abah come to visit me to send me my roadtax
but i know mak abah wanna wish me luck and give me strength for my upcomig exam.
the moment when i hug mak and abah, they wish me all the best for exam.
they pray for me and i know deep in their heart, they pray for me everyday.
because mak said, insyaAllah, Allah will ease.
abah too.
both of them are my strength, my weakness.
may Allah bless both of them

Death

Yesterday,
i learn about death and how you never know how your life gonna end.
some of us sempat to mengucap and die in peace.
but some of us mungkin akan mati unexpctedly.
Hanya Allah yang tahu.

But, both of this, pengakhiran nanti kepada Allah juga.
No matter what happen, fitrah manusia kembali pada Allah.
And there, you might go to heaven or hell.
Hanya Allah yang tahu,

Our night  oncall in ED, where a patient die, young one, because he didnt wear helmet naik motor,
The brain was out of form, we can see,
And because its night,
we help the staff to kind of balut dia pakai kain putih to be sent to forensic,
my first experience to do stuff like macam kapankan mayat.

Intense training

Today, I thought I can't do this intense houseman training which is climbing stairs from Level 1 to 9 for 3 times, but ended up doing it. Alhamdulillah.

Never done this before thats why am so not confident to do this, nasib tak pengsan tengah tangga je. Hahaa.

When you think you can't do it. Don't stop and never give up.

You can do it.

So, lets do our best and try our best. InsyaAllah we can do it even when 45 days left. 😭

#survivefirstweekortho

Love

Today,
Day 22 of Ramadhan
I saw one of those loves.
Between siblings. A brother and her sister.
Her sister is 2yo girl with spastic cerebral palsy with hydrocephalus.
Pretty cute child lying down cannot do anything because it is quadriplegia.
And there by her side is a supportive brother. A 20 yo young man.
Stay by her side, care for her and do everything she cant do.
I can see, he looks tired, but he patiently stay there wait there for her sister.

Bersabarlah menjaga anak syurga.

Another story is a girl who is taken care by her sister.
That child came with severe acute exacerbation of asthma ( AEBA)
She was tachypnea, cough and all and was taken care by a sister.
When ask where is parent ? Both of them is busy in bazaar.
I know it might be hard for them, raya is coming soon and parents are busy to facilitate the best for child.
Moga adik kuat, family adik kuat.


Banyak orang, banyak cerita.
The unspoken one.

Paeds

Today, following morning rounds again.

I love to follow Dr. Z round. The rounds was so informative and she teach us A LOT. like seriously a lot.

Today, there is one case of medulloblastoma.
The child was previously active, got number 2 in class and suddenly crash down after headache, vomit, cannot walk and cannot talk.
She was diagnosed with medulloblastoma, space occupying lesion,
Initially, their parents cant coop with the situation but now both of them take care of this child. Anak syurga InsyaAllah.

My heart cry when hearing Dr Z asking question to the parents. Thinking of how they feel.
I taktahan tengok kanak kanak especially when they are sick. Am sensitive. .

Give up

The moment when you feel you want to give up.
But seeing back, how you talk with patient, knowing them.
You dont want to give up.
Even when you lost your spirit.
You should never give up.
Allah is there, and always there beside you.
He make you stonger and He will help you.

May Allah ease the journey.

Goodbye Obs and Gynae posting.
You will be missed deeply.

Faith

Today went for gynae clinic.
A  lady with 5 history of miscarriage.
She looks sad.
She looks sad and was hoping for a chance to get pregnant again and have a child.


Today, went to ward and there is a baby at the nurse counter.
He is quiet, he does not cry and he is cute.
He has a small scar on her forehead. Forcep delivery scar.
Dr said he was on forcep due to maternal colapse.
Her mother has heart problem unknowingly.
Came in labour and suddenly collapse when she want to push the baby out.
When they resuscitate, and her mother was intubated by Anaes, he was delivered via forcep.
Alhamdulillah,  he is well.
But her mother was sent to ICU.
Pity that young child and his siblings.

Allah do test people who are stronger, to make the  stronger.
Have faith in Allah

Hello guys !

To all guys out there, 

please and please be with your wife when she go for her antenatal checkup or clinic follow up.

Seeing few young patient with subfertility coming alone for reviewing both of their result. 

Seeing that in their eyes, there is hope for children.

But they are alone. 

Please be with them, 

Through ups and down.

Like this one old couple coming together for follow up.

Whenever she wanted to make decision, she looks at her husband's eye. 

Both of them know each other well, 

Both of them go through ups and down together.

Worries are in husband's eye.

Comel je makcik and pakcik ni.

Lost

Today, I is sad, super sad.

Coz Prof said i give excuse that my patient doesnt allow me to examine

It is really hatd. He has been there for 2 months, what should I expect ?

He will only talk to person who are having examination

And am super depressed too because I got low marks for my case report. 

I didnt expect it to be that low because I spent few days doing that report.

What am I gonna be ?

Should I be a doctor ?

I need to be a doctor. Ya Allah, ease my way.

What if today is the last day ?

What if today our last day to see them ?
Yesterday, I met my patient, Mrs L for the last time before operation.
Currently, she is struggling in ICU and she is unstable.
I just met her yesterday and wish her good luck for the surgery.
I hope she is strong enough to fight with this. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Another patient is in the ward who I always come and ask her how she is doing.
She is Mrs R, having ca and currently only for palliative care.
For few days, her daughter didnt come to see her because she need to go back to kampung to see her father in law who is sick.
I saw her phone by her side and she even ask me to call her daughter few times. But no one answer.
I saw her struggling wants water, so I prepared her water and put it by her side. Easier for her to reach for it.


Berbaktilah pada ibu bapa, they never complaint for raising us up for puluhan tahun, but you cant even do small deed to them, jaga mereka masa sakit. 😢😢😢
Hoping that one day, we'll be good to our parents, loving them .

Nurse

Today, i learn about nurse job.c

Nurse job, people always get angry to nurse,
Usually they said, nurse garang, nurse takjaga patient.
But, i see differently today.
A sight that can make our heart feel at ease.

This morning, I ask nurse regarding a patient, she want to eat her breakfast, but immediately she help me first before eating. ( jangan salah sangka, the round was over, and she want to take a quick breakfast tau, they are human too )

This afternoon, food arrived on time, I saw a nurse come to that makcik, feeding that makcik and care for that makcik before she go to eat her lunch.

But still people always said nurse takbuat kerja, nurse takde kerja.
Cuba kau spend masa dalam ward, tengok siapa yg kerja. Baru kau tahu .

Death

Today, one of the patient, Mrs Jpassed away.

She came with abscess but this morning she has cardiac arrest. 

I remember talking to her constantly every week to see her smile at me.

I always meet her daughter to talk about mom.

And today, her daughter called me while I am clerking.

She notice my presence.

And told me that her mom pass away this morning due to cardiac arrest.

An immediately I remember talking to her mother last night. 

Her mom looks ill but still manage to smile at me.

We never know when is our last day.

This field of job constantly remind me of death. Death is near. Death can come unexpectedly.

To Allah we come, To Allah we shall return.

May Allah ease you makcik,

May Allah give strength to your family to face this situation. 

Hi

It has been a while.

Hi blog, hi social media.

Uninstalled my instagram 5 weeks ago because am too melagha with instagram.
Uninstalled my twitter, deactivated few months back sebab melagha jugak.
Nyaris uninstall fb tapi kejap je sebab susah benar nak update kat group fb.

Am becoming leader for surgery. My first time being leader for group. Nobody knows. Hahaa
Am currently bound to hospital. Everyday is hospital day even on weekend.
Am not confident yet but Allah helps me a lot as Prof A was shock that I got myself 2nd highest marks in class in our sudden exam without notice. He never expected me to do so.
So, basically see you can do it. All you need to do is do your best and Tawakkal.

Tawakkal ialah mengenai hati dan tidak dimanifestasikan dengan perbuatan. - Amru Khalid

Am currently emo one, dont know why, because of headache, and my runny nose.
Am hurting everyone near me.

May Allah give me peace and May Allah ease us.

DNR

There was a guy with trache, NG tube all restless for the past few years.
Beside him, standing a young pretty lady who is his wife.
Dr discuss with her regarding DNR.

If patient heartbeat stop, would you want me to resucitate the patient ?
She tried her best not to cry,
But Dr told her that she has been taking care her husband devotely for the past few years. If heartbeat stop, condition will not improve if you gain back the heartbeat, it can be worse.
They may said that you are cruel for agreeing with DNR, but they did not know what you have been done for the past few years only for him. They did not know how much and how strong you are to face all this problem.

She stay silent and cry.
Me too , crying deep down inside.

Thank youu

Today i am fasting, i am supertired walking from ward  to the main building, need to cross road,
bila balik dari ward , weather was hot, and i was so tired and taklarat.
In my heart, i pray that Allah will send someone to help us, bawak pergi bangunan seberang jalan.
And suddenly, a car stop beside us, it is DC, the head of department, pangkat JUSA tauu.
asking us to follow him, he will drop us there.
We awkwardly naik je tapi 3-3 duduk kat seat belakang like a boss.  Hahaaa

Alhamdulillah, Allah grant my doa instantly and make me stronger,
May Allah ease you DC  for your kindness.

Young

Today i met a young boy, a 15 years old boy,
I assume he come from rich family because of some personal data,
some more I talk to his brother sebaya my adik.
He is sick, having major surgery of heart during his primary school,
and currently maybe having infection of the heart,

I saw him reading al mathurat
and he is the one who will pray every time masuk waktu.
Looking at him make me thinks,
even he can do all this things while he is sick, why not us ?
he surely doesnt have lot of friends due to his ilness, coming back and forth from hospital and so on.
May Allah ease you Adik,
May Allah ease all of your family. InsyaAllah. (':

Hard

Met this one pakcik and his wife,
Yesterday morning he looks okayy, still be able to laugh and make joke to us,
But in the evening, it turns to be the saddest day for both of them,
Doctor told him, he has stage 4 lung cancer.
That night, he sleep while holding his daughter's picture, missing her so much.
Sometimes, smallest thing you can do to comfort them is to listen.
They have a lot of things to say. And you just have to listen.
May Allah give their family strength to face this.
May Allah ease them.


"Mak, kat sekolah, kesian kawan adik, ayah dia meninggal sebab cancer."
And currently her mom doesn't know how to tell her daughter that her father has lung cancer stage 4.

May Allah ease