Lost

Today, I is sad, super sad.

Coz Prof said i give excuse that my patient doesnt allow me to examine

It is really hatd. He has been there for 2 months, what should I expect ?

He will only talk to person who are having examination

And am super depressed too because I got low marks for my case report. 

I didnt expect it to be that low because I spent few days doing that report.

What am I gonna be ?

Should I be a doctor ?

I need to be a doctor. Ya Allah, ease my way.

What if today is the last day ?

What if today our last day to see them ?
Yesterday, I met my patient, Mrs L for the last time before operation.
Currently, she is struggling in ICU and she is unstable.
I just met her yesterday and wish her good luck for the surgery.
I hope she is strong enough to fight with this. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Another patient is in the ward who I always come and ask her how she is doing.
She is Mrs R, having ca and currently only for palliative care.
For few days, her daughter didnt come to see her because she need to go back to kampung to see her father in law who is sick.
I saw her phone by her side and she even ask me to call her daughter few times. But no one answer.
I saw her struggling wants water, so I prepared her water and put it by her side. Easier for her to reach for it.


Berbaktilah pada ibu bapa, they never complaint for raising us up for puluhan tahun, but you cant even do small deed to them, jaga mereka masa sakit. 😢😢😢
Hoping that one day, we'll be good to our parents, loving them .

Nurse

Today, i learn about nurse job.c

Nurse job, people always get angry to nurse,
Usually they said, nurse garang, nurse takjaga patient.
But, i see differently today.
A sight that can make our heart feel at ease.

This morning, I ask nurse regarding a patient, she want to eat her breakfast, but immediately she help me first before eating. ( jangan salah sangka, the round was over, and she want to take a quick breakfast tau, they are human too )

This afternoon, food arrived on time, I saw a nurse come to that makcik, feeding that makcik and care for that makcik before she go to eat her lunch.

But still people always said nurse takbuat kerja, nurse takde kerja.
Cuba kau spend masa dalam ward, tengok siapa yg kerja. Baru kau tahu .

Death

Today, one of the patient, Mrs Jpassed away.

She came with abscess but this morning she has cardiac arrest. 

I remember talking to her constantly every week to see her smile at me.

I always meet her daughter to talk about mom.

And today, her daughter called me while I am clerking.

She notice my presence.

And told me that her mom pass away this morning due to cardiac arrest.

An immediately I remember talking to her mother last night. 

Her mom looks ill but still manage to smile at me.

We never know when is our last day.

This field of job constantly remind me of death. Death is near. Death can come unexpectedly.

To Allah we come, To Allah we shall return.

May Allah ease you makcik,

May Allah give strength to your family to face this situation. 

Hi

It has been a while.

Hi blog, hi social media.

Uninstalled my instagram 5 weeks ago because am too melagha with instagram.
Uninstalled my twitter, deactivated few months back sebab melagha jugak.
Nyaris uninstall fb tapi kejap je sebab susah benar nak update kat group fb.

Am becoming leader for surgery. My first time being leader for group. Nobody knows. Hahaa
Am currently bound to hospital. Everyday is hospital day even on weekend.
Am not confident yet but Allah helps me a lot as Prof A was shock that I got myself 2nd highest marks in class in our sudden exam without notice. He never expected me to do so.
So, basically see you can do it. All you need to do is do your best and Tawakkal.

Tawakkal ialah mengenai hati dan tidak dimanifestasikan dengan perbuatan. - Amru Khalid

Am currently emo one, dont know why, because of headache, and my runny nose.
Am hurting everyone near me.

May Allah give me peace and May Allah ease us.